Tuesday, February 7, 2012

It's not easy being nineteen

You got the lyrics wrong, buddy.
(From Citysole)

This post may or may not end up sounding a little bit ridiculous, but the main point of it will be 'being nineteen is strange'. And, truth be told, it is; it really is. You're in this 365 day-long twilight zone in between your teenage years and adulthood, and you're not sure which way to turn. But it doesn't really matter (at least, it won't for long), because as the days run out, you're going to be pushed forwards anyway, like it or not. Funny how with all the big, life-changing decisions we have to make at this age, we have no say in this at all.

I am writing this under the assumption that most nineteen-year-olds are dreading the big (and inevitable) two-oh. Most of my friends are having trouble wrapping their brains around the fact that we'll be twenty next year; me, I'm just kind of dreading it. There was a sort of comfort in knowing that next year, and the year after that, and the next, I would still be a teenager. Now I'm at the end of that road, and what's before me isn't a dead end but a corner that I have to turn, with no idea whatsoever what lies waiting behind it. It's exciting, sure, but scary too.

(From SodaHead)

Boring as it may be, it's perfectly normal to crave familiarity, right? Right. I'm kind of a boring person, so I find myself with urges to claw my way back to my childhood sometimes. I've been dealing with these urges by rewatching the Lizzie McGuire series on YouTube, and I recently returned to Neopets for the first time in years to play my favourite games. It's such a comfort to see that Snowmuncher, Jelly Blobs of Doom, Freaky Factory, Turmac Roll, Whack-A-Kass, and Hasee Bounce are all exactly the same.

Of course, all this takes place between researching unis online. It's stressful and confusing and frustrating because sometimes facts aren't solid (eg. this is like this now, but that is happening in 2013, so this might be something else after then). Fees are going up all the time as well, so that's another concern. Did you know that it costs a million ringgit to study Medicine at some Australian unis? Who wants to be a millionaire? I do!

Remember the epic theme song this show had?
(From GSN)

Speaking of unis, I have friends my age who have left/are leaving for uni. They did AUSMAT or SAM or other one-year pre-u courses, so they got a head start. If I'd done AUSMAT instead of A-levels like I'd been considering, that would've been me! The thought of uprooting myself and some belongings from the comfort of my home seems super exciting but terrifying at the same time. It's strange, but I can only picture myself after having left, not while I'm actually leaving; maybe my brain is trying to protect me for the time being by refusing to put together in my head the undoubtedly awkward airport scene.

Truth be told, the idea of going somewhere new and reinventing myself seemed incredibly appealing at one point in time. Now, though, I don't think I need reinventing. Sure, if I were to go overseas, I'd probably come back different, but hopefully not a completely different person -- who I am now isn't too shabby, if I do say so myself!

Um, then again...

This post took a long time to write, because nothing seemed to be coming out as I wanted; but when you gotta write, you gotta write, so I persevered. Thankfully, the end result isn't as bad as the numerous scrapped originals were. Maybe if I do get the chance to study overseas, I'll look for this post on my last night here, read it, and smile.

P.S. If you didn't get the reference in the title of this post, click here!

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