Saturday, October 1, 2011

Forever alone?

A short little raw and unedited piece that I wrote on Friday, after the talk on boy-girl relationships in CF. Your thoughts?

Lol nope don't need that.
(From here.)

The more I learn about relationships and love, the more convinced I am that I will never experience either. I don’t see myself having that kind of bond with anyone, and I’m far too wary to give myself to someone like that. I’ve seen heartbreak too many times to ever want to make myself vulnerable to it, and for a long, long time, I have not believed in ‘forever’. It’s a stupid word, an impossible concept, and a humungous mistake of a promise to make.

I’ve seen how careless people can be in relationships – rebounds, two-week relationships, two-day relationships, I’ve seen them all. At least one side ends up getting hurt, always. I’m convinced that there really isn’t any such thing as an amiable break up. It may look it from the outside, but I’ve had to console miserable friends behind the scenes. Relationships seem to be nothing but a one-way ticket to doom, however much you enjoy the ride.

"WoOoOoO yeahhhhhhhh, bring it on!"

I guess that’s what some people say, that the ride makes it all worth it. Does it really, though? Could anything really make up for your being absolutely miserable at the end of it for an indefinite amount of time? Would it help with the healing? Remember this: you wouldn’t be feeling that way if you hadn’t gotten into the relationship in the first place. Sure, you gained a lot of stuff along the way, but how valueable are those experiences?

Maybe I’m just saying this because I don’t know what I’m missing. Right now, I think I just want to remain blissfully ignorant for as long as I can. Relationships seem to be an addiction for some people – they crave affection and intimacy, having someone they can hold and call their own. I don’t. You can’t miss what you never had, I guess. The more I learn, the more I think I’ll never have that, and it makes me feel secure and sad at the same time.

What is love, really? Is love in the romantic sense really a neccessity in our lives?


A/N: Read my other post on relationships here!


  1. On reference to your previous post: "What if you'd worked all your life to do just that, only to find that the person you were about to marry hadn't bothered? Wouldn't you be left feeling like you'd gotten a pretty raw deal?"

    EXACTLY! Furthermore I don't think that people expect males to save themselves. Sowing their oats and all that. Being a reader of YA and some victorian era crime/mystery/thriller with a dash of romance, the males are always the experienced ones, the females are otherwise ignorant, but in the end they all end up happily ever after. Gah even in books they're so biased.

    Honestly speaking though, even after many happily-ever-after books, I still refuse to believe in it. Not until I've seen it with my real eyes, and even then I know it's still VERY VERY doubtful for it to happen to me, cynical pessimist I am. And that's probably the reason why many older women are still unmarried in this century.

    Right. Rant comment over and out.

  2. Omg yes. I know this can't be perfectly true, but the impression I get is that males are SUPPOSED to be experienced, which pretty much defeats the whole 'keeping yourself pure' thing. :/ But got lah, guys who haven't done anything. Still, if you get serious w/ a guy and then later find out he wasn't a virgin, it'd be pretty dang hard, verging on ridiculous, to let him go.

    Lolol. Why are we so jaded? Aren't we the freaking Disney generation?