Saturday, March 5, 2011

Boy-girl relationships

(From MSN Malaysia.)

Today in CF, Mr. Reuben talked about boy-girl relationships, sharing some past experiences of his at the same time. What I liked was that it wasn't preachy in the least -- it was more of a suggestion of how to look at things and what to (and not to) do.These are some points I brought back from the talk (not all of which I agree with) :

  • Dating around is a building ground for divorce. (The reason for this being that if someone can so easily 'let go' of so many relationships, they could well do the same in a marriage.)
  • Dating someone of a different religion gets sticky.
  • Keep yourself pure for your future partner.
  • Aim to make lifelong commitments. (At least, I think that was his point.)
  • Put God before potential girlfriends/boyfriends.

It always bugs me when people tell me to 'keep myself pure for my future husband'. What if you'd worked all your life to do just that, only to find that the person you were about to marry hadn't bothered? Wouldn't you be left feeling like you'd gotten a pretty raw deal? Also, in this day and age, what does it really mean to be pure? Virginal, certainly, but then you hear about people who had never been kissed till they got married and you start to wonder. At least, I start to wonder.

In my opinion (though I speak from no experience at all), it's kind of necessary to date around. Marrying the first person you date would probably be a mistake, since you don't know what else is out there. Of course, this doesn't mean I'm in support of 'playboys' and 'playgirls' who change girlfriends/boyfriends more often than they change their clothes -- I'm just saying I think most people don't actually date and then marry only one person. And at this age, who really thinks about making lifelong commitments? That's scary stuff, probably for people way beyond our age!

I agree with the rest of Mr. Reuben's points, though. His talk certainly gave me food for thought; I've been mulling things over in my head for a good few hours now. Also, I think I'm a bit more sure of where I stand in regards to this whole relationship thing.

What about you? What do you think?


  1. I agree with you. I know a couple that dated for two years, until the guy was 20, and he had never been in another relationship. He said he needed to live more, date different people, to know what he wanted.

  2. Aw man. I see where he's coming from, but I bet it was heartbreaking for the girl. I can't imagine the 'where did I go wrong?' complex already. DDD:

  3. With reference to my previous comment a few posts back:

    Hung over after clubbing? Whoa. I can't afford to get drunk in a club. Alcohol prices are INSANE. It's something like RM 300 for a bottle of vodka. :O I never intend to get drunk though, and I've never been drunk. *Proud*

    With reference to post at hand: XDDDDDD

    Quite a number of people told me that dating around (in moderation) is the only way you'll get enough experience to make a relationship work. If you've never dated, when you meet someone you honestly really want enter a stable relationship with, you will be completely lost. Without the experience, you won't know the thousand and one responsibilities attached to being someone's other half. And you'll end up screwing up. =(

  4. Ha. Well. You know, the guy who was supposedly hung over the next day was a private school kid. Or maybe he's a lightweight or something, haha!

    Yeahhh. That's what the general opinion seems to be. What I can't stand, tho, are people who proudly keep a list of ex-girlfriends or boyfriends. It's just... Aiyo. Idek what to say.

  5. I am guilty of keeping a list of ex-(play)girlfriends. Personally, it was more for the thrill of the moment and impulsiveness. It did get me "places" and I admit that right now I do feel guilty (heart-breaker, playboy(among certain groups), manipulator, etc) but it is not something I regret.

    Experience is the best way of learning and it has benefited me in understanding myself and people. On how to approach a person (whether flirtatious or friendly) and avoiding unintended awkward moments.

    The "victim" too will benefit from being easily vulnerable and open at the start of a relationship; Optimistically speaking of course. This habit of mine stemmed from being a victim myself, and evidently this leads to a chain. For better or for worse in the end, it lies on themselves.

    As for me, I think I've turned for the best. I've halted my habit of cheap thrills. I no longer care as much about having another half, just like life, I am letting the river flow. Realize that one cannot determine "The One" at the beginning of the relationship. So I do pursue a person that I know shares mutual feelings.

    There are many lessons of life to be learned from relationships, but I feel everything is always best taught first-hand, so don't feel shy to go out and let someone into your life. Good luck!

  6. Oh, and sorry for the horrid structure and grammar, am in quite a rush!

  7. Yeah, exactly that, the 'thrill of the moment and impulsiveness'. That's way less forgivable than someone who honestly thought the person they were with was 'the one' and turned out to be horribly mistaken. I understand how that must've bettered you, but it reeeaaally isn't something I want done to me (or want to do to people).

    I guess the novelty of having someone wore off? I know people who can't seem to stand being single, saying they feel lonely and all that. Good for you, though.

    Thankyou! (: