Sunday, December 19, 2010

FACON education fair and self-doubt

I went for the FACON education fair at PWTC today with my dad and sister. If anyone knows how to properly pronounce 'FACON', please hit me up; a certain unnamed family member pronounces it in a rather vulgar way.

Anyway. The place was crazy packed, filled with teenagers both aimless and intense, and worried-looking parents. (I have no pictures of the place, because I was one of said intense teenagers.) There were so many little college/uni booths everywhere that we decided to walk rounds around the place and stop at the ones we were interested in. As it turned out, most other people had that in mind as well. Three booths practically everyone was interested in were the Butter & Olive Baking Academy, Berjaya University College of Hospitality, and Sugarcraft Baking & Culinary Academy -- free samples! Shameless, we Malaysians are.

All in all, it was a good education fair, with a wide variety of colleges and universities participating. I mean, there was everything from New York Film Academy to Japan Advanced Institute of Science and Technology (what a mouthful!). Today was the first time I'd seen Methodist College at an education fair, having been to at least three this year alone. It was amusing to stand there and pretend to not know anything as my sister struggled to come up with questions to ask the very enthusiastic guy who'd greeted us. (I've already registered  at MCKL; we pretty much know everything we need to know.)

There was a downside to the thing, though, for me.

For the heck of it, we listened to the short talk on studying in Ireland. The speaker, Kevin, focused mainly on Medicine, seeing as how most of us in the room were interested in it. Basically, in twenty minutes, he told us that studying Medicine in Ireland is expensive, hard to get into, and has rather high standards.

Bet you could see me rapidly deflating throughout the talk.

I don't know. It's pretty darn demoralising, hearing things like these. I've lost count of the number of people who've told me that Medicine is hard, and Lord knows that it's expensive. The universities I want to get into -- I'm not even talking Harvard or anything here -- have aptitude tests and interviews, which sound a little, well, scary. Every time I hear or read about the tuition fees for Medicine at any university (except the Russian ones), there is a sickening feeling in my gut, because I know we cannot afford (pun very much intended) for me to screw up. All this has caused me to start second-guessing my decision.

If you want to be morbid, I suppose you could liken this to a suicidal person's hesitation before taking the leap. Off a fifty-storey building. Onto the road miles and miles below. Splat.

But the thing is, I'm taking that leap because I'm pretty sure that's what I want, and I think I'm going to fly rather than fall. Enough with the analogy, I sound really stupid. Medicine is what I want, and I really do want to be a doctor. I can't explain it, that pull to the profession; I've never seriously considered anything else. But there's always that gnawing fear of not being good enough, you know? If it proves too much for me to handle, everything's going to collapse on me, and I won't know what to do then, because I've never considered anything else.

Ugh, self-doubt. Stop freaking plaguing me.


  1. -cough-Australia-cough-
    Not sure how the system works for international students, but yeah. Melbourne ftw? (:

  2. I am srsly dying to go to Australia. Srsly. I want to go so bad it's stupid. But Australia makes you do two degrees for the basic medical degree, which takes a year longer. ;_;