Sunday, August 29, 2010

Walking contradictions

I'm in a thinking mood. Please bear with me or leave this page if you so wish.

So. Teenagers.

That's us BRATs. Ah, memories.

I honestly think it's quite funny how often we contradict ourselves. The best example of that is craving freedom, yet dearly wanting to be kept and comforted and protected by our parents...but I suppose that feeling only really, truly manifests itself for those who're leaving home to further their studies. I've been watching/observing/stalking via Facebook, my seniors who have done or are going to do just that. I've talked to some of them, feeling their mixture of nervousness but ultimately excitement; I've listened to their fears and hopes for the future. Really, the bittersweet flying of the nest boils down to the contradiction of wanting to go but not wanting to go. Some of us say we want out, but sometimes, we don't mean some of the things we say.

Also, I've heard before that there's an innate need to fit in among us teenagers. We need to belong to a group in order to feel safe and wanted, which, yeah, is true. We've all felt that, I think. But then, see, here's where we contradict ourselves again -- don't we all want to be 'individuals'? Don't we all think ourselves special, one-of-a-kind snowflakes, completely new and unique? (This perception can be both positive and negative, i.e. "I'm so-and-so's number one fan!" and "I'm the weirdest, most socially awkward person ever.") What does that make us, then? A bunch of kids with herd mentality who are struggling for our voices to be heard over that of our respective groups?

Well, no wonder the classroom's always so noisy when there isn't a teacher in class.

And then you have the rebels, who wish to break free from the mould. However, their number increases so much that at the end of the day that, oh look, they've made a brand new mould for themselves! (For those up to date with American pop culture, you might like Your Scene Sucks.) Take, for example, the Twilight saga. Currently, it's all the rage, and you hear of 'Twihards' everywhere. I am not a fan of Twilight, be it the books or the movies; I only read the first two books before concluding it was all a waste of time, and I honestly do not see the appeal of neither Edward nor Jacob, onscreen and off. So, I jeered and I mocked and I laughed (juvenile, I know). How could a bunch of books that I'd found mediocre at best have topped the best-sellers list? It wasn't long before I realised that there were a great number of like-minded individuals who did the things I did and more, such as make anti-Twilight macros like these:

Amusing as they were, realising that there were so many people with me took the fun out of it. Now I just don't care anymore.

It's just weird. The teenage years are an awkward transition period for us all, I guess...parents included. (Sometimes I wonder how they handle us, unpredictable and fickle-minded as we are.) It's certainly not easy. We just honestly don't know who we are yet. And why should we? We're changing, bit by bit -- day by week by month by year. I read journal entries and blog posts from a few years back, and it scares me a little how much I've changed, how differently I think. I think it applies to everyone, the fact that you never think you've changed, but you look back on everything and realise you were wrong, because it's never a conscious thing. We're living and learning and growing and building foundations in our heads, and this is a scaryimportantcrucial part of our lives that's slipping away... Bit. By. Bit.

I don't know, I guess I think too much. But you gotta admit, all I said here, while not very eloquently put, is true.

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