Saturday, June 26, 2010

Great Expectations

"I am what I am, and that's all that I am" -- Popeye the Sailor Man

What I am, unfortunately, is a bit of a control freak.

In my last post, I mentioned that Mr. Elvin had given us our Add Maths folio. While we have to pass our folios up individually, getting the content is a group effort, I suppose to lighten our burdens. Hypothetically, anyway, since the work's supposed to be divided. However, I'm the only one in my group who seems to be ready to get anything done.

It's been a whole week, and the only thing that's been done is part (a) of the Further Exploration part -- by yours truly. Everyone else's excuse is that the work hasn't been divided so they don't know what to do. No one's lifting a finger even to dish out duties, so I suppose it'll be up to me as well; so will proof-reading and fact-checking.

We had a PJK folio a little earlier, also group work. The front cover might as well have read 'Done by: Ho Hui Jan | Content provided by: Friend X and Friend Y'.

It's been like this for as long as I can remember, even when the 'group' only consisted of me and my sister. I run around picking up everyone else's slack because the results affect not only them, but me as well.

Might I remind you, this Add Maths project affects our trials and SPM grades. You have no idea how much I wish this were a solo project. Then I know I'd do everything right and not have to hound other people to do what they're supposed to.

So while I'm busy being upset over all this, my father hurls one of those 'I expected better of you' comments at me over something else. Those hurt the most, because it seems that people are always expecting better of me and I will never be good enough for anyone at all no matter how hard I try.

Sometimes I wish I were so stupid that no one expected anything of me at all.


  1. You're not the only one who's a control freak. It sucks, because even though you don't want to end up doing everything, you do because the outcomes of every project affects you one way or another. And somehow, sometimes, you just do a better job than every one else, so you'll have to be the one who touches up stuff, filling in the holes etc... in other words, the one who does the most work and doesn't get the credit for it half the time.

    I suppose you needa learn to let go of the responsibilities every once in a while. Either you stop doing more than you should, or you accept that you're the kinda person who can't sit back and watch a project fail before your eyes. As long as you don't let other people take advantage of you, and the extra work isn't taking over your life, then it's alright.

    But you need to talk to ur team mates and let them know that you're not gonna do everything, because you've done your part, and it's time they do theirs. If not, then you just have to be a little selfish by doing the folio on your own and not let them have a piece of any of your work. Let them do it themselves if they don't care about how important the folio is.

  2. That's true. V true.

    People sort of have been taking advantage of me forever. It's just, it affects me too, and I don't want it screwed up; I want it perfect. You know? ):

    I rlyrly want to just do everything on my own right now, but our teacher said the content of each group has to be the same. The ironic thing is, they aren't happy with me. They say I should wait for all the work to be divided first, which no one seems to be jumping to do.

    So I pulled an obnoxious stunt and dished out duties, telling them to come to me if they had probs. Tbh, I can't decide if it was obnoxious or if it was an excellent display of my leadership qualities. xD

  3. Being a leader means being obnoxious. The leader is always bossy, it has always been that way.

    At least you can tell yourself that you've tolerated enough, and just took charge. You did the right thing, and at least, hopefully...the work will be done at the end of the day :]

  4. There's a v fine line between being a leader and being plain bossy. I hope to walk it one day.

    Yep, everyone finally seems to be pulling their weight, if only out of guilt. But things are moving along just fine now, thank God. :D