Sunday, March 7, 2010

"It takes all the running you can do to keep in the same place."

Today, during my driving lesson, I went out onto the road for the first time. It went well enough, it being my first time -- the only bad thing that happened was my engine died on a slope when the traffic light turned from red to green and I didn't step on the clutch hard enough. This happened twice. Not in succession.

I trundled (this gives you an impression of my speed -- third gear is a big thing for me) down the slope and turned left to SDC, feeling elated. My engine had only died on slopes, I was able to change gears smoothly enough, took turns well, remembered to signal, and -- most importantly -- hadn't run down any little old ladies crossing the road. My first time on the road had been pretty awesome.

As we left SDC (with my dad at the wheel -- of his own car, not the epileptic Kancil I'd driven), it struck me that in a little over five days' time, I'd be taking a plane to Penang, all on my own. Another 'first time'. I'll be sent off and greeted at the takeoff and destination airports, but in between that, I'll be alone.

I'm feeling a few different things about all this right now. I keep thinking about how I should get my Probationary Driving License sometime in April (assuming I pass my test in March), and how I'm going to be flying off alone this Saturday, and what I'm gonna do and where I'm gonna go after my SPM -- the the things that seemed so 'grown-up' before but are happening to me now or in the near future -- and it makes me want to put everything on pause so I can take a step back and try to absorb it all. Everything's moving so fast. It's like I'm holding onto my life for dear, well, life with one hand because it's going far too quickly for me to catch up with.

This somehow brings to mind that part in Through the Looking Glass where Alice and the Red Queen run and run but never get anywhere. Must be the ads I see everywhere promoting the new Alice in Wonderland movie. I want to watch that, btw. Even though the original, animated one creeped me the heck out when I was a child.

Anyway.

Does anyone else feel like this? Not creeped out be the original Alice in Wonderland, I mean. Like the superhero power you want the most is to be able to hit pause and play on life whenever you like. Like you're running as fast as you can but life is always two steps ahead. Like you aren't vibrating at the same frequency as life and thus are not able to produce an interference pattern.

Bah. I should go back to studying, I guess.

P.S. Don't get me wrong, okay. It's all very exciting -- on-the-brink-of-discovering-something exciting, gosh-is-the-world-really-that-huge exciting. It's just a little hard to digest, is all. (:

4 comments:

  1. First time on the road and already you're better than me. My clutch control is super poor and my engine kept on dying.

    I felt like that when I was in the tail end of Form 5. Like life suddenly got into a Bugatti Veyron and hit the gas. Everything blinked past, and in a way, they still are. It feels like before I blink I'll be in university, and after I blink I'll be working, and then I'll reach up to scratch my nose and I'll suddenly be married and so on and so forth. O.o

    A pause button on life would be useful during exams wouldn't it?

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  2. Haha! It's tough balancing the accelerator and the clutch. :S Why? You kept stepping on the clutch too lightly?

    Idk, right now, very few people I know are looking to the future. It's like they just want to cling to the now, which is how I used to feel. AHAHA! You scratch your nose and then you're married? Is 'scratching one's nose' some sort of slang for getting a bf/gf that idk about? xD

    Yes!! I've actually thought about that before! Like, you pause everything and studyyyyy and then press play when you're ready. :D

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  3. I release too early, and either the engine doesn't have enough revs to take it forward or the car jerks violently and dies. >.<

    No no no, that's not what I meant, although on hindsight yeah, that was rather poorly phrased. I intended to imply that time passes so fast that you are like, *blink* eh?? What the? *scratches nose* EHHHHH? WHAT?

    XD I know right? It would be soooo awesome. And then in the middle of the test, pause and go refer. LOL.

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  4. Ahhh. I do that too. It's hard to control them both, the clutch and accelerator. :S

    Haha, I do know what you meant. It just sounded funny, is all.

    THAT ALSO OCCURRED TO ME. But I don't think I would 'cause that'd be cheating. D:

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